Beginning my new life.

Now that I've been able to clear my head a little bit after being back from all of my trips, I'm feeling a little bit better. Things aren't great, but they're okay and they'll only get better.

The whole thing with Justin got kinda out of control, and I had to say goodbye to him as a friend, for now. It just hurt me so much to hear about him doing things with someone else that I should have been there for. I'm really, truly happy for him. I tried to be a "big girl" and be classy and tough, but eventually it just got to the point where it hurt me far too much. Chapter of life...closed. I'm really sad about this, but there's just no other way at this point. I live in KY, he lives in CA, and now he's found someone else. Maybe we'll be friends somewhere down the line. I sure hope so. The day I emailed him to tell him that I couldn't talk to him anymore, I cried for hours. I can't imagine life without him...it feels like there are two distinct time periods in my life--Before Justin and After Justin. I fell for him unlike anybody else, and it's my own damn fault. ;-) So far, I haven't really been tempted to check up on him like I usually do--and that's REALLY good. I know this won't be easy, but I really think it needs to be this way. I need to move on with my love life before I can talk to him again.

So...I went to Laurel Lake in Corbin, KY with BFF Sarah and her Parents! It was absolutely amazing. I lived in KY for 19 years and had never been to Cumberland or any other lake other than the Little Miami (which is a dump). This trip was EXACTLY what I needed. I giggled like a schoolgirl while riding a Sea-Doo for the first time (and every subsequent time, LOL!), I tubed off of the Sea-Doo, I swam in a relatively clean lake, I got caught in a thunderstorm in a boat, I got to let loose with my BFF and just enjoy where I was. There was no schedule to keep, no cell phones (I kept my cell phone off for the majority of 2 days!), nobody even had a watch. It was the most relaxing thing I possibly could have done, and I can't thank Sarah enough for inviting me. I used to think stuff like that was kinda stupid, but I see now why and how it is SO much fun! I can't begin to describe the beauty of this place. It was the best 2 days I've had in a long, long time.

I'm sad to report that a friend of mine from CA has died. Kalin was a young, gorgeous, incredible young lady who I totally adored. I met her about 2 years ago, maybe a little longer. She was clean and sober while I knew her, unfortunately she went and picked up a heroin habit. She died of an overdose a few days ago...she was 18. In fact, she may have been 17 if I remember correctly, but I'm not sure. All you guys need to know is that she was YOUNG, and far too incredible to be taken from us. She had the best smile...she always made me feel like she was really excited to see me. She had the most beautiful, perfect long brown hair. She had absolutely everything going for her...it's a damn shame she won't be able to live the life she was meant to. :-( I didn't expect the loss to hit me as hard as it did...she and I were friends but we weren't besties or anything. I cried my eyes out, though, and had a long talk with my Mom about her and how this affects so many people that I love (even though we might not speak anymore). It's sad to see a person die who you know had all the potential in the world. :-(

I'm giving myself a little time off from men, so that I can completely reacclimate myself to KY. Part of the reason I wanted to stay in CA is because I thought it was SOOOOO beautiful. It is, but KY takes the cake on beautiful. It's just fucking gorgeous here. Our trip to the lake proved that, and almost every day (except when it's raining!) the sky is beautiful with big, fluffy clouds. Quite a change from where CA...and for some reason I never gave the beauty of KY a second glance. There is so much to do out here, so much to see! Anyway, I'm giving myself this time-out from men because my heart is broken in a million pieces and as much as I'd love to get hitched THIS VERY MINUTE...it wouldn't be right at this point. I need to slow down, enjoy my surroundings, do some introspection, and maybe then I'll be at a place where I can share my life with someone. Hopefully it won't take long though, LOL!

Anyway, that's about it. Just thought I'd update the masses (my, like, 2 readers) on what is happening in my life. ;-)