Things are awesome.

I made one HUGE error in my last blog entry...I forgot to mention that BFF Sarah and Erik are expecting a BABY!!! She is 12 weeks now and I am beyond excited for them. They are going to make great parents. I have already been looking at baby clothes and can't wait to get a hold of some more yarn to knit Baby Coons some fabulous stuff. I am so happy I get to go through this with Sarah and be a part of the process. I got to see the baby at Sarah's first ultrasound, and I was a MESS, LOL! As soon as I saw the heartbeat, my eyes filled up with tears and overflowed with pure joy for my best friend and her husband. It was an amazing moment. After everything we've been through together, this is just another milestone in our lives and our friendship. Expect Baby Coons to arrive on or around September 3, 20111!

I need to get my high school transcript and take a placement test for Cincinnati State, and then I am officially accepted! I absolutely cannot wait to get back in school. First of all, I need to get my mind moving again. The thought of sitting in a class taking notes and soaking up knowledge gets me so excited I can't see straight. Then there is the fact that I will be fully employable at the end of June. This brings a sigh of relief and melts the stress away! After I am certified, I will basically have my pick of jobs. There are several hospitals in the area, a gazillion nursing homes and several home-heath care agencies. Everyone is hiring. Healthcare is the place to be in this crazy economy, I tell ya. Anyway, after I become a CNA, I will probably end up going to nursing school. I will most likely end up working in a nursing home or for a home-health company. That is where I'll start, and see if I'm tough enough for the job. It's hard to deal with people who are dying...it's not a job for just anyone. I have a little bit of experience in that area and need to know whether it's something I can pursue. I already know I can't deal with kids--too emotionally taxing. In my mind, my mother is one of the true angels of the healthcare field. I mean...kids with cancer??? Whew...it takes a really special person. Now that I'm an adult and going into healthcare, I am beginning to understand how difficult that job must have been for her sometimes. Blows my mind.

Speaking of mom, she is doing okay. She was denied coverage for her trial spinal implant, and this obviously upsets her a lot. Her pain doctor is already working on an appeal. Basically, they said that they hadn't tried EVERYTHING yet. Bastards. They've had her on Vicodin, Lyrica, Percocet, she's tried morphine...NOW WHAT??? I don't understand what is so complicated about *permanent* *chronic* *pain*. It is a spinal cord injury! Good LORD! The least they can do is give her a damn trial to see if it works. I'll keep the class updated on this situation... she is at her wits end with the pain and this implant could be the one thing that takes it all away.

I am a little more in love every day. I can't say enough about Derek and how great he is to me every single day. It gets better and better, and I can't wait for the future. We have so many plans and goals and things to work towards, and I can honestly see spending the rest of my life with him. He comforts me like nobody can (except Sarah and my mom). We are absolutely perfect for each other and all I can say is IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!! Before we met, I was at a point where I thought there was no man for me. I tried everything I could. Every social circle, every demographic, every way of meeting new people that I could think of. I was exhausted, and when I first heard from Derek I debated on whether or not this was even worth it...no sense in putting time and effort into another guy who is going to run off in a month. I was "blah" about the whole thing right up until our first date. I liked him...don't get me wrong. But I was terrified of being rejected again and insisted on playing it cool. And of course...I have fallen in love with a man who loves me right back. We've been together for 4 months and have been living together for 2, but everything is right on track. To some it may seem that things are moving fast, but they're moving at OUR pace. We're deliriously happy, and neither of us is going anywhere for a LONG time I hope. Love is grand, fo sho.

Ch-ch-changes...

Everything is fantastic. 2011 is off to a great start!

--I went to court for my stop sign/registration ticket, and the judge dismissed the registration charge after I explained my situation! WOOT! So I have about $150 to pay and that's it.

--I applied to Cincinnati State yesterday! They have a 10 week course to become a Nurse Assistant, and after the state exam I can be a CNA! I plan to work part time until school starts in April (to pay the bills), then financial aid will be my best friend. After the semester and exam, I can work part-time as a CNA and make a really good amount of money while going for my LPN. I don't know if I necessarily want to go all the way and become an RN...it's a lot of schooling and I have already delayed myself so much. Only time will tell, but I feel really good about the fact that I get to go back to school. I spent hours on the website last night fretting about taking a placement test because I have ZERO math skills. I'd like to think I remember elementary algebra, but the fact is I haven't used it since high school and didn't really care to begin with. I looked at some of the practice questions for the placement exam, and I'll be okay until they get past elementary algebra. I'm going to need some math, especially if I want to go any further than CNA. :-P Anyway, that's the only thing that I'm worried about! I filled out a FAFSA too and I'll be eligible for some serious financial aid so hopefully I can actually live on it for a while. I am BEYOND excited about it!

--Things with Derek are spectacular. We had great Christmases together with our families, and he spent his week off between Christmas and New Years at my house. After that week, he decided to go ahead and make Florence his temporary home until we can get a place together. We are so in love it's ridiculous! I feel so lucky to have him in my life...he's more than I ever could have asked for. He treats me like a queen, he's affectionate, funny, intelligent...all of the things I ever hoped for. I love his family and they love me back, which is really important because his family are his best friends. He has been helpful around the house, which pleases Mom...plus he keeps ME happy so everybody wins. Our relationship has been official for 3 months today, and I honestly think I could handle a lifetime. It's easy. We have so much in common and so many common goals that I don't see us ever really arguing. He is really supportive of me heading back to school, and it means so much to me! He's the one I've been looking for... :-)

--Dad had a "growth" removed from his throat on the 12th. He will get the results of the testing they did on it on Friday. Here's hoping it was nothing...

--Mom has been doing okay...her spirits have been better since Derek has been living with us. Also, she's going to get a trial implant in early February! Hopefully this will work, because nothing else has. She's been doing okay with some cooking and washing dishes, but all of the cleaning still falls on my shoulders. I really hope this implant works for her!

Another much-needed update

Again, I have spent too much time living life to blog. :-P

The past couple of months have been really crazy. There are a million adjectives I could use (believe me I have tried) so I will just run down the different things that have been going on. This is going to be one of my more honest (and possibly graphic) posts. I have missed blogging and finally have the time to sit and dedicate myself to it for a few hours.

Mom was in the hospital for a LONG time. She had a brief stay in September, then spent most of October and November in St. Elizabeth. She had been needing a colostomy revision for quite some time. The surgery had been delayed again and again since July. (Here's that graphic part, folks.) Basically, the opening of her colostomy had scarred down to the point where the doctor could barely get a Q-Tip in it. And if the doctor can't get a Q-Tip in it, there's no way she's going to be able to have a normal bowel movement. Needless to say, things backed up. By the time we got her to the hospital the first night, her stomach was horribly distended and she was in agonizing pain. A few days later, she had her colostomy revised and all of that crap (literally) cleaned out of her, and also had her gallbladder taken out. We had no idea she even had any gall stones, but they showed up and the docs took care of them. A few days later, she ended up having another colostomy revision, and she's still having trouble. Except now, the hole is too big and she can't find appliances that fit. She's home now, but her spirits are pretty low. I would be depressed too if I were in her situation...this is a woman who loved to do a lot of things that she can't do now. She will never go to Greece. She won't dance at my, Maggie, or Evelyn's weddings. She will never be able to nurse kids with cancer again. I challenge her daily to find something about her life that is good, but sometimes even I have a hard time thinking of anything to raise her spirits. Maggie and Evelyn adore their Babu, but she can't get out and do anything with them. They positively adore her, and mom was so elated when Evelyn asked her to go to Grandparents Day at the school. Mom stuck through the whole thing even though she was in complete agony. But it seems she has more bad things in her life than good things, and she doesn't see Maggie and Evelyn enough for it to make a difference in the way she feels. Aunt Marilyn came and stayed with us for 10 days after she got out of the hospital, and I really thought that she would be able to get mom out of this funk. She couldn't...and my memories of this Thanksgiving are marred by the fact that she was too depressed/in too much pain to appear in a family picture. It was such a great moment in time for me, and she wasn't a part of it. So she is home, much healthier than before but struggling with depression and pain. This is an uphill battle that she's been dealing with since 2006 and I refuse to let her give up. I force myself to see the person that she used to be and encourage her to do what she can within her limits. Sometimes I'm really hard on her, and I think I need to work on my attitude a little more. But it's only because I know she can change her own attitude, to start living life and being social more often. I have droned on long enough...

Now, about Derek. He is better than I ever could have asked for. Our relationship is amazing, and this is a love that I've never ever felt before. We fit right in with each other's families, he is supportive and kind and a million other adjectives, we have fun together and never run out of things to talk about. Derek, Steven, Sarah and I went to Chicago to see Reel Big Fish and The Aquabats just a few weeks ago. It was a great trip! We weren't able to explore Chicago a whole lot but ended up having a great dinner and the show was out of this world!!!! This was the 3rd time I saw RBF live, and they were tighter and better than they were 10 years ago! On the way home, Derek and I curled up in the back of his van and had one of those "I really super like you" conversations and then I proceeded to pass out like a roofie victim in his arms for at least 2 hours. Even Steven's driving couldn't wake me. :-P Thanksgiving was incredible...I went to his family's dinner and Derek and I ended up cooking everything but the turkey! We had a blast. I've taken to playing Yahtzee with his mom, aunt and grandma, and we have started playing D&D (that's Dungeons & Dragons for those uninformed) with his mom, uncle and aunt on Friday nights. He came to my family's Thanksgiving, spent 2 nights with me and met everyone at the same time...everyone seemed to like him and he fit right in! Brianna couldn't make it to Thanksgiving apparently so she hasn't met him, but I'm sure she will at Christmas. We are in it for the long haul, folks, and that became completely apparent when we finally let that L word fly. We are most definitely in love and I feel lucky to have found someone like him. The funny thing about it is that he says he's the lucky one...and all I ever wanted was someone who appreciates me for everything I am. And I most definitely appreciate him...he's just being himself and sweeping me off my feet. I'm not scared of him leaving me, or cheating, or ignoring me in any way. I know I am the only one for him, just as he is the only one for me. I really do have a hard time putting it into words. I was bitter and cynical and not looking for anyone...he was fresh out of a 3 year lie and wasn't looking for anyone. But the folks at OkCupid plastered my face on his pages and forced both of us to see a 96% match which has ended up being a relationship where everything fits. *raises glass* Here's to the future...this is only the beginning of us.

With all of this excitement going on (sick mom, new love, holidays, concerts...) who has time to work? I took a leave with Convergys when mom went back in the hospital for her surgeries, and a month later I decided I didn't want to go back. The job was horrible, the pay was horrible, and the few people I really liked weren't enough to keep me there. I chose not to extend my leave of absence, and was terminated. I was denied unemployment because I didn't make enough money in the past 4 quarters. So I'm back on the job hunt, more determined than ever. In the past week I've applied for no less than 15 jobs. I'm determined to find something I will like, something that I will look forward to doing. I was very happy at Karrass, and I'd love to find something along that line. Of course, what I'd really love to do is just go back to school, but it seems like that keeps getting put on the back burner. If I could just buy a car outright and live off of student aid I'd be set. I'm bummed because my car payment makes things really impossible right now. All I want is to be making enough money to survive and have a little left over for fun...not too much to ask I don't think. In a job that I can tolerate. I know I can...if I can somehow fund my schooling. Dear sky daddy--please send me a job I'll enjoy, with pay that makes sense, in an area that is convenient.

Overall, life is very good. I'm happier than I've been in years, and everything is coming together beautifully.

That's all for now I suppose...now that I am an ungainfully unemployed housedaughter I may have time to write more often. Maybe once a week? Scheduling is good for me... :-)

Goodness.

I really need to stop letting so much time pass between entries. I'm not even sure how well this is going to break down into paragraphs because there is so much to cover!

Things are pretty fabulous here overall! The summer was great! I had to work a lot, but I still managed to fit in some fun. I ended up taking 2 trips to Lake Laurel with Sarah and her folks, and a trip to Indian Lakes for a (hopefully annual!) tribute to Julie. So many wonderful memories made on all of those trips! I'm a lucky girl. (That won't be the last time you see me write that in this entry...)

I finally got a desktop computer I can play games on! I'm SO HAPPY! Erik just decided to get Sarah a new computer, so Sarah sold me hers for $100!!!!! I have become totally consumed with everything this computer has to offer in comparison to that shitty laptop I've been on for years. WoW, Left4Dead, Magic Online, and a ton of games Matt VC has yet to load onto this machine have been my drugs. :-p

Oh, my busted-ass vehicle. I love my busted-ass vehicle. I was finally busted for my registration, and have a court date November 8th. I am broker than broke, so I am going to have to get an extension. I called CA DMV and they told me it would be $670 to get it squared away there. I was in so much shock that I forgot to ask for them to mail me something, so I'm on hold with them as I type so I can get that taken care of. Finances are a definite problem...I'm more broke now than I EVER was when I was unemployed! My bills are totally manageable (just car payment, phone and student loan) but these extra expenses are killing me.

Part of the reason for my broke-ness is that Mom was in the hospital and I ended up taking 2 weeks off unpaid from work. She needs surgery to get her colostomy revised, and the surgery has been delayed again and again since July. She finally ended up with a bad case of colitis (for the 2nd time now...) and back in the hospital she went. Since she got out, we've been to a myriad of doctors appointments and the surgery still isn't scheduled. Unbelievable! In the meantime, it's hard to get her out of bed for anything and cleaning has fallen by the wayside. I'm going nuts over here and have been trying to stay out of the house at all costs, but finally picked up and started trying the other day. I kind of yelled at her today and didn't mean to...I'm just frustrated because even when she's feeling well, she rarely cleans. I can't do it by myself. We're both messy people and I have taken leaps and bounds to clean up after myself and her while still maintaining the little things like dusting and vacuuming. I can't do it anymore...she has to pitch in or I'm going to hightail it outta here. I have plenty of places to go that would offer me little rent, and the frustration would be minimal. I'm happy to help her out, but there are times when you can tell she's milking it for all it's worth. I won't let her lay around and rot, period. Even if that means staying with Sarah for a week or so to let her get the hint.

The most amazing thing has happened...OkCupid WORKS! I met a great guy, and I'm going to keep him around for as long as he will let me! (he says he's planning on keeping me too, so this is a good thing!) His name is Derek, he's 25, a programming student and recently separated but well on his way to a dissolution. We were a 96% match (97% by the time we deactivated our profiles) and I have to say that every day has been better than the next since we've been seeing each other. I want nothing more than to sit here and gush about how fantastic he has been and how much we like each other, but I don't want this to get too pathetic. :-p Suffice it to say that I have met a match! A GOOD match! We text each other constantly, and talk on Steam and/or Skype almost every night. We play Left4Dead together and he just started a new character on my WoW server. Our first date was a Subway picnic followed by geocaching and hours of talking while sitting at a picnic table. Our second date was a Subway picnic (LOL) followed by disc golf and hours of talking while sitting at a picnic table. Our third date was lunch on one of my splits, and our 4th date was a trip to Jungle Jim's followed by me meeting practically his whole family, followed by a great cuddle/kiss session while watching Community at his place. It's official now...I definitely have a boyfriend. One hell of an awesome boyfriend. I'm gonna keep him...

Sarah is going to be on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!!!! I'm so excited for her. She took a written test and had a couple of interviews, and got the call today that she'll be NYC on November 8th (same day as my court thing) to be on the show! I'm beyond excited for her, I know she's going to do amazing and come home with enough money to pay off debts and live comfortably! Hopefully this will even get them to OR faster!

November 15th is going to be super-rad...The Aquabats and Reel Big Fish are coming to Chicago and I am GOING! Looks like the crew will be me, Derek, Sarah and Derek's BFF Steven. I am really, REALLY looking forward to this show!! I've never been to Chicago, either, so it is sure to be an awesome time.

So that's all for now...I just wanted to give people an update and I SWEAR I'll blog more often.

No news is good news?

Everything has been just dandy...I just haven't had the time to write I suppose. I need to sit down soon and update...lake trips, computers, birthdays/anniversaries, karaoke nights, my busted-ass vehicle, work, love...all are on the list of things to talk about next time. :-)

Good birthday stuff. :-)

Maggie and Evelyn's masterpiece.

29 candles. As Evelyn said, "That's a BRIGHT CAKE!"

I've had a great birthday!!! It started last night with an impromptu trip out with Jessica and her friend Ashley. We hit Woodies where we hung out, sang karaoke (Pat Benetar and Bonnie Raitt for me, thanks...) and I had the 2 best and biggest double amaretto sours I've ever had. I had a screwdriver in honor of Nick, too. :-) Then it was off to Mugbees. It was kinda dead in there so we had a drink and bolted off to Hollywood Casino, which was completely impromptu. Ashley's boyfriend (who was not drinking) drove us there and they ended up finding their own adventure while Jessica and I went into the casino. Well, to Boogie Nights, the disco-ish nightclub inside it. It was a fun, fun night and I didn't get home until almost 3 in the morning but it was SO worth it! I probably pushed the limits of the amount I can party because I did wake up with a headache this morning. It's not often that I go out like that...it takes a lot to loosen me up enough to do things at the spur of the moment. Last night was my Friday, so it was great to be able to get out and have some fun.

This morning, I was allowed to sleep in until 11am. Maggie, Evelyn and Mom already made my cake and it was cooling by the time I came downstairs. Mom frosted it and Maggie and Evelyn decorated it, it was a hot mess! It was positively adorable and I absolutely loved getting a cake that my lovely nieces made and decorated for me!! They also made me a card that was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes. After cake and ice cream, I headed to BFF Sarah's for a couple episodes of Battlestar Gallactica and a trip to the Post Office so she could morally support me while I picked up a certified letter from Boone County, LOL. Turns out an old creditor is suing me for my balance owed, but I did the damage so I'm going to have to pay the consequences. I came home to mom's lasagna...ZOMG it was probably the best she's ever made. And she made a HUGE batch so I get to take some to work for the next few days, woohoo!!! I finished off with more cake and ice cream (hey...it's my birthday...I've lost almost 40 lbs...cut me some slack! LOL!), a load of laundry, and now I'm chilling in my room on the interwebs. I plan on watching an episode or 2 of Mythbusters and heading to sleep because I have to work a 10-10 split tomorrow. It's been a great day...my phone has been going off constantly since 9am and it's a great feeling. :-) It's nice to know I'm loved. Another great birthday...and next year is my 30th!!! Who knows what kinds of shenanigans will be pulled...next year is bound to be even more awesome than this year.

Sad news.

The senior colorguard girls with our handsome drum major, Nick.

Nick Stutsman, a guy I went to high school and college with, died Thursday night. I was proud to call him a friend...I remember referring to him as one of the only TRULY good guys I've ever known.

I have so many awesome memories with Nick. The first time I saw him, we had just finished our first day of pre-camp for band my freshman year. There was this boy...he was tall, chubby, and bright pink all over from a day out in the sun. We ended up befriending each other and had a couple of classes together. He was musically GIFTED, and I mean that. He played clarinet, and it amazed me the things he could do! He won multiple awards at multiple music festivals in KY in high school, and awards at BCHS. By the time senior year rolled around, he became 1 of 2 drum majors. And he was fabulous. :-) We always had a blast at band camp, at various functions and on bus rides, etc. We used to watch a lot of Chris Farley movies (Tommy Boy, etc) on our bus rides, and everyone would compare Nick to Chris Farley. He HATED it!!! But it really was an accurate representation...Nick was a chubby, bright red, hilarious guy who captured the hearts of everyone around him.

After high school, we ended up staying in the same dorm at EKU, he a floor above me, and our friend Heather next door to me. OMG, the great times we had!!!!! We would drive around in Heather's little Civic, Nick riding shotgun, smoking weed and just driving the curvy roads. One time, we were listening to the song "Pieces of You" by Jewel and it seemed as if the melodies were going right along with the curves in the road. As the song ended, we came to the stop sign at the end. We all commented on how COOL that was (it's a VERY powerful song, listen to it if you haven't) and immediately decided that as much as we'd like to do that again, there would not be a way to replicate that moment. It was too perfect. Another time (and this is one of my favorite stories to tell EVER) we were driving around getting high in the middle of the day, and Nick was talking about how they (he and Heather) had seen a peacock one time when they were driving around without me. Just as he finished telling the story, Heather stopped the car in the middle of the road and Nick said, "Holy shit! There it is again!" I was stoned out of my gourd and had no clue what was going on, and he said, "Jen!!! It's right THERE!! Blue and fucking WHITE!" I was cracking up laughing by this point (as I am right now, but with tears in my eyes) and I saw the peacock in front of the car. DIRECTLY in front of the car, LOL. It was making that noise that peacocks make--at a little white dog across the street (on a farm). It then folded up its feathers and walked over toward the passenger side of the car. Nick and I had our foreheads plastered to the windows watching it walk past us until it was safely behind the car. A peacock in Richmond KY...barking at a dog. One of my favorite stories of all time, and Nick is a part of it. :-) There were many other good times...watching him play his clarinet was outstanding. He had unmatched talent. For fun, he would play really fast songs for me and laugh afterwards as I sat with my mouth agape. There were multiple parties we went to...going to Denny's in the middle of the night for a Super Bird...drinking screwdrivers half-full of vodka and eating an extra-large pizza between 3 people...the day he "came out of the closet" to me (I always suspected but never knew until we got to EKU)...going to drum corp shows...I actually just realized that I loaned him a bunch of pictures about 10 years ago and never got them back, LOL! Anyway, Nick moved on to U of L and I moved to CA...we spoke on Yahoo a few times but I haven't seen him since I loaned him those pics at that drum corp show in 2000. Sometime in 2001 after I moved to CA, Nick confided in me that he had been doing speed. He was losing weight but the way he was doing it was mucho unhealthy. I discouraged him from doing it, but continued to see his weight drop in pictures. We lost touch...I got sober...we were friends on Yahoo/Myspace/facebook. Looking at his facebook photos is weird...a bunch of pics of him with bloodshot eyes and then a few with his clarinet in concert, wearing a tux. I knew he was living kinda hard and was worried but felt assured that he was still maintaining well as he was still playing clarinet on a concert level.

He was found Friday morning by his roommate, an apparent overdose. He was 29. is the 2nd friend I've lost in the past year (Kalin, and now Nick) due to drug use. People my age are DYING. Classmates of mine. I knew a lot of people in high school due to being in band, but Nick is someone who I genuinely considered a friend all that time. EVERYONE loved him. I'm sad to say that the disease of addiction has claimed yet another young life, another great talent, another person who would have had so much to contribute to this world.

A weird 24 hours.

Sometimes you just have those "weird" days. For the past 24 hours, everything has been been...MORE. More exhaustion...more everything. We're in "mandatory" overtime at work until July 10th. I have been working an average of an hour of OT per day...not too bad but when you add it up I'm growing weary. Anyway...my nightmares have come true and I am living in Tech Support World. My internet, tv and telephone have been on the fritz at home and I have been slowly going crazy. I have called Insight no less than 7 times over the past 2 weeks and I have become just as frustrated as the people I talk to from AT&T every day. Anyway, last night the internet was down (as usual) so I became my own worst caller because I'd simply had enough. The phone line went down too and that is CRUCIAL to my mom. Anyway, they're coming out here tomorrow to *hopefully* fix the problem so we'll see. I woke up this morning to my mom calling me on my cell phone...to let me know that my nieces were here, the phone is working, the TV is down, and the girls need the computer NOW if the internet is working. I tell her I'll be down in a few minutes...I'm just waking up...she said ok. I stayed in bed with the intention of being there for at least 10 more minutes. Meanwhile, I hear Maggie (the youtube addict) prowling around the upstairs by my room. I hear her go in the bathroom, turn on the water for a really long time, then *knock knock*
"Cioci Jennifer?"
"Yes, Maggie...I'll be out in a minute..."
"Is the computer working?"
"I don't know yet...I just woke up...I'll be out in a minute..."
"Oh, okay..."
4 minutes go by. Repeat. Except this time while I'm hearing her prowling around the bathroom, I hear my epilady go off. I never use the damn thing...it's really painful...but I leave it in the bathroom anyway. So I hear it go off and all I can think about is "OMG, is Evelyn up here?!?!". The damn epilady has 16 sets of tweezers and goes REALLY fast so I was just thinking this child better not put this thing near herself or her sister. LMFAO. I get up and get dressed as fast as I can. 2 minutes go by and I hear the knocking. I fling open my door with the computer in my hand...
"Yes, Maggie, the computer is working. And you're already driving me crazy."
"Oh, okay, good morning!"
I'm putting on my makeup and I take the cap off my eyeliner. It is smooshed. I look over and there is a clothing tag bent in half, made up to look like a gift tag and has words written on it...IN MY EYELINER. :-) I asked both of the girls, found the culprit (she admitted it...gotta love Maggie...), lectured her and tried to help my mom with the tv. I pressed the power button on the cable box and it came right on. I rolled my eyes and went to work.

Every day, I go to the Marathon station up the street and get coffee. It has just come to my attention that the little old lady who waits on me every morning is getting hit on by a little old man who's there almost every day when I am. They apparently have a cute little friendship where she calls to let him know if gas is going up (so he can gas up before they do it LOL), and he brings her pastries. It's the cutest thing ever. She blushed this morning as she put her bag of donuts on the shelf, and as he left she said to me "He brought me donuts! Wasn't that nice!". *squee* Old people are cute.

I realized on the way to work that I was sadly short on that wonderful smokeable plant. I hoped that my smoking buddy would be at work, but of course he wasn't. It turned out to be a BRUTAL first half of the day...the we had time between calls but the callers were just DUMB and ANGRY. (a bad combo, for those of you who have worked tech support...) I decided to take a long lunch and told my TL I'd be back by 5:30. I adjusted my attitude properly and went back to work. The first call I took after my lunch ended up lasting 1 hour and 10 minutes. Luckily I was speaking with someone from another department at AT&T rather than the customer themselves. The issue we were working on was one that was really complicated and involved a lot of dead air, which we were happy to fill with laughter and jokes about how nobody really knows what they're doing in this place. After this insanely long call, we were completely unable to resolve the issue at hand and had absolutely no leads as to how to fix it. We worked our asses off and were completely abandoned by other departments. It was a huge waste of time but it was better than talking to a bunch of idiots. Anyway, the night went on and I ended up working 2 hours of OT. I feel that I'm getting hit on by one of my coworkers. No details, but this guy has made it clear that he is interested in "someone". He's been paying a lot of attention to me in chat, and has clearly been "up to something" for the past few days. Tonight, he made a pass at me and I semi-diverted. If he wants to hang out with me...he can talk to me about it in person. ;-) Of course I'll just let him think I'm hard to get (for the first time ever LOL) and he can jump or not. So now I'm home...just got done playing a couple of games of Magic with Rob. Kari is still avoiding me. Sooooo awkward. I don't know why she's avoiding me...I took them both off my facebook this week but that was only because I'm trying to stay out of their personal lives. Kari knows how I feel...that I do want her as a friend but that it hurts when I know what she and Rob are up to. So maybe it's better we don't talk...I don't know. I'm glad that Rob and I are on good terms but Kari's behavior has really saddened me. So...I have to go to bed now so that I can be up early for Insight to come (hopefully) fix whatever is going on with our services. I am officially taking a mental health day...I deserve it.

Life goes on...

Things have been relatively okay. I'm getting through the days at work...I didn't realize when I first started working there how complicated this job really is. It's a challenge every day, and you have to be not only very smart but very quick to adapt. I can honestly say that I don't have a single "dumb" coworker. For the first time in my life, LOL! Not as far as I've seen, anyway. It's nice to be around equals...people who enjoy learning and solving problems. My coworkers are fantastic, they're 80% nerds and I love the hell out of them.

Things are still kinda up in the air for me in the love department. Rob is MIA from my life right now, Kari is very distant, and to be honest it hurts me more NOT to hear from them. But I guess I've learned my lesson. I'm officially back on the dating market...some flirting on okcupid feels good. :-) One thing I still believe...I still believe in love. And I sincerely believe that because I am a good person I will find it. The people around me have always told me that it WILL happen, and I'm really trying hard to believe that. I'm not going to stop dating...I like it too much. I'm just going to take the butterflies and leave the tears--a whole new outlook.

Things at home have been okay...Mom got a spinal epidural and she's still been having a lot of pain. This has been really disheartening to both of us but her doctor wants her to keep trying. The good news is that she hasn't been having any of the "electrical" (as she puts it) pain in her feet/ankles but rather the "full-leg asscramp" (as I put it). Everyone has had an asscramp. If you haven't, I hope you never do. :-P But she says it's like she's having that kind of pain, and it's running down her leg. I guess I've never really described Mom's pain to this degree, but it's something that's constantly there. It's as much a part of our daily lives as my job is. Anyway, hopefully that will become a thing of the past as she continues to get these spinal blocks.

All in all, I'm just living life. I'm having a great day off...I got to sleep in until noon!!!!!! Then I went shopping at Target and Remke's and over to Sarah's for a couple of episodes of Battlestar Gallactica. I'm absolutely loving that show. Mom made an awesome spinach salad with grilled chicken and pineapple-habenero dressing for dinner...it was so good I wanted to lick my plate. Tomorrow is Evelyn's 7th birthday! I'm so glad I get to be around for stuff like this. I do have to work tomorrow, but at least I'll get to see her for a bit before I leave. And of course my birthday is coming up, and of course I'm already really excited about it. LOL! I am trying to remind myself that I should not be more excited about my birthday than Evelyn is about hers, and that it's still 2 weeks away. What I want more than anything for my birthday is money towards a decent computer. I found a computer I want that is under $500, so I'm watching every penny and hoping Mom will have mercy on me, LOL! I've been using her laptop for about 9 months now, and I'm sure she would really like it back. I've indicated that I might be holding the computer hostage until I get my Dell, so hopefully she'll take that as a sign that she should contribute freely. :-P

Every time I have a bad day, a day when I feel like life is fucking me over--I go to Los Angeles craigslist and see what Justin is up to. His antics on there (mainly the posts begging for a male fuck-buddy) help me realize that I was way more miserable then, and especially how much I've changed. I feel sorry for his girlfriend, but I just have to shake my head and remember that there are a million guys out there doing the exact same thing. And a million other girls who turn their heads the other way in the name of love. If there's one thing I'm proud of it's that I will NEVER be that girl again. :-)

Struggling.

I can't really say everything is great, but it doesn't suck either.

A lot has happened since I blogged last. Rob broke up with Kari, we all made up and are friends again...I just can't get the sick feeling out of my stomach. This is just a reminder to myself that I have absolutely nothing to do with their relationship and I have my own shit to get up and do. I just can't stop thinking about all of this for the past couple of days and I've reached my breaking point. If he ignores me, I'm sad. If he talks to me, I miss him. If I see her, I'm wondering. Tonight, I'm wondering. I let my mind go and it immediately starts wondering what he's doing tonight...knowing more than likely that he's with her.

Sometimes it hurts much more than I'd like to admit. Granted, I have bounced back beautifully from this. I feel good about myself and I know that I didn't do anything wrong. I realize that the fault is all his, and I realize that we aren't getting back together. I don't know what I need right now...someone to tell me how beautiful and worthy of love I am? It's been another rough week...between work, PMS and all of the Rob/Kari thoughts I'm having a difficult time functioning.

I really hope the weekends get easier as time goes on. I have to stop this madness.