Hey folks...
I saw Julie again today. She was doing slightly worse. I went over there just before 11am so that Joy and Ted could go to the funeral home. their friends Chick and Kristy were there to help with laundry. It was so good to walk into that house and see people gathering and helping them!!!! Julie was in bed but awake so I grabbed some ice chips and got to work. :-P Yesterday, Julie was able to open her jaws less than an inch...just big enough to get an ice chip in. I didn't realize how totally lucky we were yesterday until today--she would not open her lips or teeth for anything. I ended up having to put an ice chip in her mouth between her lips and teeth and just letting it melt. I was seriously upset and needed a break--luckily Mike (her husband) showed up around noon. Julie's cousin got there to clean the house right before Joy and Ted got back--just before the hospice nurse showed up at 1. The meeting was still going on when I left at 4!! I couldn't believe it! I did manage to get Julie to eat 3 bites of a french fry (equal to half a fry) and a tiny bite of a hamburger, and I felt SOOOOOOO good about it! Everyone was so happy that she opened her mouth for something. She also had a little over half of a gummy vitamin. But again...that's ALL she had to eat up until I left. I hope she has eaten some tonight, and opens those jaws to allow ice. I'm thinking of her constantly and hoping it's over soon and she doesn't suffer. I'm doing everything in my power to help keep her comfortable...holding her hand, brushing her hair...Kristy and I gave her leg and foot massages today. Julie truly enjoyed it...she was more alert at the time and was making eye contact with us. It must have looked funny...Julie was in the rocking chair and Kristy and I were on either side of her with one of her legs in our laps massaging them. She also got a good neck rub from Kristy. It was soooooooo good to be over there today and have so many people show up to help. Joy and Ted need help more than ever! And they need help with EVERYTHING! Julie needs help! She needs to get hugs and she needs people to hold her hand and spend time with her.
Emotionally, I'm doing okay. I cried most of the day yesterday (mainly about Julie) but have only had one crying spell today. Make that 2--Julie's sister just sent me an email that made me sob. Thanks, Amber, LOL! It's been a WICKED couple of weeks on me emotionally. I do cry easily, but not *this* easily, LOL! I think it's a combo of the new birth control I'm on and all of the BS that's happened lately. I have a raging case of PMS right now and it's rearing its head via crying spells and back pain. I'm still really angry with Cioci Sharon for blowing me off while I was there. I'm still sad about Mike--I miss him so freakin bad I can't stand it. A girl I've known since 5th grade (we weren't friends but she was a star athlete and everyone knew her) died of metastatic breast cancer on Sunday. She was 29. Add Julie's sudden decline and impending death...and you have a young woman (me!) who is feeling very sad. I know I have an incredible amount of love around me, and I really am grateful for that. I just don't understand why completely innocent people have to suffer from bullshit ailments that take away their lives too soon. Why generous and wonderful families have to watch their children die. The girl who died of breast cancer had a 6 year old daughter. How are these things FAIR? I just don't get it. I wish I knew who to yell at for all of this. :-P
Enough depressing shit for one day. I can't wait to get back to my old happy self again!
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