Update on Julie.

Saw Julie again last night...*sigh*. She's looking worse and worse every time I see her and it breaks my heart. She is almost completely unresponsive. She makes no eye contact. Her right arm is still tight to her body, but her left arm is totally loose and useless. In the wheelchair, she must have someone behind her or her head falls backwards. Such a beautiful girl...I can't believe she won't be in my life anymore. Joy and Ted told me that she has been aspirating and/or choking almost every time they try to give her something to drink. So they're not giving her as much liquid as they were before. Frankly, I completely agree with their decision. Julie is going to die...the focus just needs to be on making her as comfortable as possible. If she continues to aspirate, she's going to develop pneumonia and that is not a pretty or comfortable way to die. Considering the fact that she has basically been refusing food and liquids for a week now, she's going to dehydrate and hopefully she will simply slip away in her sleep. Ugh, I hate talking about this. But I owe it to myself to remember every step of this journey that I've embarked on with Julie and her family...even the sad stuff. It makes me sad that in just a couple of weeks, so much has changed with her. She's not "Julie" anymore...even the Julie I knew. I just hope that when the time comes, she dies comfortably with no pain. She doesn't appear to be in any pain now. I'm going over there tonight to spend the night...poor Joy hasn't been sleeping so I've volunteered to spend the night and keep an eye on Julie so she can sleep. They had a family member spend the night last night, so hopefully that went well. I have a big THANK YOU for my sister Brianna...she is the most wonderful and supportive sister ever and has made a donation for Julie. I'm sorry my thoughts are so jumbled...there is so much to say about this. Part of me wants to write every detail so that I can remember. The other part of me wants to shield anyone who isn't able to be here. I don't ever want to upset people with my blogs. I just want people to know that Julie is going to die with dignity and respect and love. Joy and Ted are the most amazing people...I don't know if I'd be able to do what they've done for Julie. They have been selfless, considerate, loving, compassionate...and they have done everything they can do to keep Julie happy and comfortable. All the while, they have continued to be selfless, considerate, loving and compassionate towards EVERYONE they come in contact with. I feel like they've adopted me. It's not fair that they have to watch their daughter die. It's not fair for Amber or Joe, or John or even Mike (her "husband" and I use that term loosely). It's not fair for Bailey or the 2 new babies on the way. It's not fair for Heather and Lora to lose someone they've loved for so long. None of it is fair. I'm sure I'll be able to see all of the lessons in this later, but for right now I cry for Julie's family and friends. And for myself, because she has definitely become my friend through all of this. :-(